TRANSCRIPT OF AUDIO:

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[Recites poem]

 

I look exactly like my mother. I'm pretty sure she hasn't gotten any older since I was born.

 

You know what they say? Asian ain't agein'. Five foot one with the round face on our shoulders, two eyeballs, double eyelided, wide open reflecting each other. We even have the same lips. 

 

[End poem]

 

It's a Guess sweatshirt that says Guess Jeans on it with like white embroidered lettering. It's like, what's that font like Arial? It's not Arial...

 

It's like Times New Roman. Is it? No, it's not, whatever. 

 

My mom gave it to me and I think we were going through her closet one day and I saw it and I was like, 'Can I have that?' and she was like 'Yeah'. It used to be black. But now it's like a washed out navy blue. And it used to have like a crew neck, but then I cut it, so, it's off the shoulder. And it has a stain from a white-out container because in 10th grade, I had a math exam. And at the end of the exam, I - maybe you don't use white-out for math, maybe it was English. And I needed to use my white-out in haste it like exploded onto the shirt.

 

So my mom bought it around the time my brother was born. So, that's like 92, 93. She wore it on the trip to China, which was the only time I've ever been to China. And so there's this photo of me as like a four year old, and my mom wearing the Guess shirt and my grandma and my aunt. 

 

My mom and dad were the only people from both sides of their family to leave Guangzhou and come to Toronto. I think they decided to move here because the opportunity like showed itself. And I guess Tiananmen Square happened the year after my sister was born. And despite Tiananmen Square happening in Beijing, and my parents being in, Guangzhou, which are like north and south, I think it's still affected like, the political climate of the country. 

 

My mom is so badass. I think my mom's one of the coolest people ever because she came here two years after my sister was born, by herself. So, she came by herself for a whole year to like, assess the situation. So, she didn't speak the language and just came here. I think that's like, how will you do that? That's super courageous. Then she was like, she came here for like, I think she came here for eight months by herself. And she was like, 'Okay, let's do this'. And so then my dad came here and then they had my brother, and then they had me. 

 

Every time I wear it, I feel like I'm just like, wearing like, okay, that sounds weird to say I'm wearing my mother. But it's like I'm wearing something that embodies my mother. I feel really special. And like, I imagine my mom wearing this in like 1992, and like, making a living. And she used to work at a sewing factory during the daytime. And then right after work, she would go buy roses. And then during dinner while she was eating, she would hand wrap each individual rose. And then after dinner, she would sell roses, like and she used to walk from Bloor to Queen on Yonge, and she'd do that like twice, depending on like how busy it is, after working like an eight hour shift, and like low-key working during dinner, too.

 

Yeah, so my mom like I really imagine maybe my mom wear that shirt during one of those nights.

 

I fucking love my mom. [laughs] Literally everything I do wouldn't exist without her. She's a big caregiver in my life. And she like supports me in more ways than I can imagine. One of them being like, extreme nagging. 

 

[Continues poem]

 

I look exactly like my mother. And it's ironic how we couldn't be any more different sometimes. Because I grew up hating money. I couldn't understand why money was such a big deal. All she ever wanted to talk about was money. All she ever cared about was money. The only way she knew how to love me was through monetary value and buying me gifts. Yet all I ever wanted for Christmas was praise, support, a hug, a kiss. And at the end of the day, I wish I could say any of this to her in fluent Cantonese. And let her know that I get it now. Money is time and time is money. My mother gave up all her time for money so that I would have money for time. I thought she chose money over me when in reality she chose money for me.

 

[End poem]

 

Oh, there's a cat! [laughs] Oh my God! [laughs]